Empty

Today was weird. I cant really explain. mainly the usual of being too inside my own head.

these issues i deal with are mentally painful, i cant put in words. Overanalyzing and hurting my own feelings because of my own paranoia. cuz who wants to deal with a borderline depressed bitch that cant figure out her own fucking life.

how do people deal with me. how do i deal with me.

trying to keep moods light yet the moment someone else tone or vibe alters i felt i did something. theyre mad at me, i said something. or that my presence is no longer wanted.

"im sorry". "my apologies". "that was my bad."

maybe if i give them space and not talk to them hopefully that will help. i dont wanna bother or annoy them any more.

sorry didnt mean to derail there.

putting on a brave face and saying im ok. even when im not.

when half the time i just wanna get away. from this, from everything. surrounded by silence. please ?

even when when I'm reassured the feeling of it sometimes go away and my mind goes back into those intrusive thoughts

my mind is so over active it can be the worse. its like a racing train with no stops or brakes

for the most part i am fine. i just wanna be comfortable in life at this point. i dont even fucking care about succeeding in some dumb ass job or career or in anything.

i just wanna come to a home that i can feel. Content